Tokyo again

On the flight from Honolulu to Tokyo. As mentioned before I’m reading Murakami’s memoir while working my way through a glass of red wine. Merlot. I’m not sure why I chose red wine this time. Seemed like a good idea.

One of the reasons I first wanted to come to Tokyo was because of Mr. Murakami’s novels. I don’t know, something about the way he paints Tokyo in his stories - a thriving metropolis full of lonely people who find out they are linked through some deeper connection, sometimes emotional, sometimes supernatural. And he always writes about food, locale, and music which makes Tokyo seem like a very cultured city. And it is.

One thing I think I need to do is sit down and figure out what it is that brought me here in the first place, perhaps then I can get my life in more order. I know that I liked the imagery and thought of this far-from-home city, and the exotic lifestyle it brings with it, but there was something else I think. Since coming here, I feel some of that initial drive and determination has been lost in my attempt to just make a living and survive in this country. Perhaps I need to revisit some of my original inspiration and reconnect with japan as it’s seen through the eyes of writers and artists.

The first Murakami book I read was “The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles”. A fantastic first person narrative about a man looking for his runaway wife and lost cat. I remember reading the first lines about the main protagonist cooking spaghetti in his Tokyo apartment, thinking, “this is cool - I could see myself doing that”.

I’ve read almost all his books to date including his collection of short stories. His most recent series “1Q84” has been a hit in japan for a while now but my Japanese isn’t good enough to venture through the two part novels. I’ll just have to wait patiently for the translation to come out sometime next year. Speaking of which, they’re releasing a feature length film of “Norwegian Wood”. I may go to see it even if it doesn’t have English subtitles because that’s perhaps my favorite Murakami work. While in college I did an adaptation of that book in a screenwriting class, so I’ll be interested to see what the director chooses to leave in or take out.

Upon returning to Tokyo my plan and short term goals are as follows:

1. Buy a study book and get busy studying for the JLPT level 2 in December

2. Apply for my Japanese driver’s license - take some day trips outside of the city

3. Go surfing

4. Sign up for voice acting

Now, the last one may seem curious, but my friend and coworker does some acting in Tokyo and he’s gotten me interested in it. Plus, I already have some experience doing it for my current work (English conversation podcasts). I figured what the hell, something to try for fun right? Interestingly, another influence has been from my Korean mother who says that I have a nice voice. Perhaps that’s just a mother’s opinion, but why not try and make better use of it?

I applied for a job in New York city working for the American Museum of Natural History (the same museum in the Ben Stiller movie “Night at the Museum) as a film festival coordinator. One of my old coworkers sent me the posting. I have the criteria and experience thanks to my work with Voices In the Sea, but I doubt I’ll even get an interview since I currently live and work in japan. New York would be nice though.

I bought an ukulele in Hawaii. Now I can get back into playing some music which my life has been devoid of since moving to japan.

I’m not looking forward to the heat and humidity in Tokyo. Only three and a half hours until we land.

What I think about when I’m traveling

I’m currently reading “What I Talk About When I Talk About Running”, a memoir by Haruki Murakami. This is a great read and some nice inflection from an author I feel I already know through his first-person narratives. The thing I love about Murakami is the simple beauty with which he composes his sentences. They’re easily accessible, yet always poignant. I feel like his words are pouring directly out of his brain into mine, without any interruption except for when I put the book down to do something else. Then it’s always there when I come back, ready to continue the flow.

I’m in Honolulu now. It’s been almost one week and this is my first trip back Stateside since I left almost a year ago to come to Japan for work. Before leaving, I was really excited to get away from my life in Tokyo for a few days. All the hustle and bustle and heat was starting to get to me. A beach vacation was just the sort of thing I was looking forward to.

But, after a week in - what most people would call paradise - Hawaii, I have to say, I’m actually looking forward to heading back to Tokyo. Call me crazy, but there’s something I love about the metropolis. I never know exactly what it is that I love, but after this trip back I think I’ve come to realize it a little bit better. Anonymity.

One thing that I noticed immediately coming to Hawaii was how functional I became again. Being able to speak your native language in your home country is something you take for granted unless you’ve been away from it for awhile. Not to say that living in Japan is especially difficult - I have tried to learn the language and can function with a certain degree of competency - but there are definitely things that I don’t understand and that get lost in certain situations (part of this is due to language barrier, part is due to cultural barrier). And there’s always that feeling of anxiety any time I need to speak Japanese over a subject or topic that I’m unfamiliar with (like dealing with a credit card bill over the phone for example), and that causes me to wish I could speak Japanese better. But being back in America, I find that I can instantly pick up on conversations, engage in activities that are unfamiliar to me, and even utilize some of my minimal sense of humor and wit.

On the flip side though, being able to speak the language and return to an environment that you’re familiar with, makes me realize how much I feel out of place in certain situations. Now, of course as a foreigner in Japan, this is bound to happen as well, sometimes on a daily basis. But, that’s where I’m saved by the blanket of my alien-identity (literally), my foreignerness (gaijin if you will), that kind of creates an anonymous cover for me. Being in America, I’m suddenly devoid of such a cover.

This is hard to describe of course. Somehow, I feel like I fit in well in a place like Tokyo because of this anonymity. Perhaps it has to do with my slightly introverted nature, but being on vacation here in Hawaii, being in America, I feel like I’ve been in many situations already where I feel slightly out of place. I’m not sure if it’s because of my dress or appearance or my mannerisms, and maybe it’s because I’ve been away too long, but I feel like at many places I go, people are always turning and saying or thinking, “Look at that guy. He doesn’t fit in here.”

This may seem trivial, but it’s something I’ve dealt with a lot in my life growing up as an Asian American in a predominately white, middle class environment. I almost always look beyond this issue because I feel there is more to myself and to others around me than outward apperances. Nonetheless, it’s still something I think about.

But back to Tokyo. In Japan, I feel I can blend in easier simply by the fact that people look similar and act similar. All I have to do is learn some of these ways since I already have a similar appearance. This let’s me go many places and feel like people aren’t always turning and staring at me. Of course this becomes a different issue once I open my mouth. In Tokyo though, it’s so full of people that there’s sort of this general consensus that everyone does their own thing and doesn’t really care what the people around them are doing. They just go about their own way paying little attention to their surroundings. I think part of what helps me feel this is the fact that I can’t understand everything that’s going on around me. This allows me to tune out whatever people are talking about.

I’m sure this would be true again if I were back in the big city in the US. But there’s still that feeling of alienation simply due to appearance. Perhaps this has been accentuated this time around because I’m in Hawaii which is full of tourists. As a tourist, I guess it’s easier for me to have this feeling of standing out since this isn’t exactly my home. But I have felt this before when I’ve gone back to a place that I’ve been away from for a while.

Perhaps security in uniformity is a rather unhealthy view. But for some reason, being in Japan makes this more acceptable and even somewhat comfortable. In that sense, I’m ready to head back. It’s been a nice vacation but I realize that that’s all it was.