Proposing

Here’s something interesting to think about. Marriage proposals are more or less the same wherever you go, right? It’s the same question, same answers…more or less. So, in the US, some of my friends have been pretty creative when it comes to proposing. One guy made a short-movie of photos that he and his girlfriend had together. He showed this movie at an actual movie theater and proposed to her after the movie was over. Another friend proposed after a long day-hike at the top of a mountain. While they stood for a photo together, he turned and proposed while the picture was taken. The photo was really great because her expression was that of complete surprise and joy.

In Japan, proposals can also be pretty interesting. I watched a TV show the other night on Fuji TV about the top 10 best proposals rankings. There were some pretty interesting ones.

Number 1 was at a beach resort and was pretty clever. The woman came back to the hotel to find that the guy wasn’t there but had left several hand-written notes around the room directing her to go to different places. She eventually made it down to the lobby where she was given a secret message to go to the beach. She arrived at sunset to find her boyfriend who then proposes to her on the sunset beach. Romantic.

Some of the other proposals are less romantic. For example, one of the proposals was at a cafe. The guy gives the woman an envelope. She opens it to see a photo of two graves next to each other. He then asks her, “一緒にお墓に入りませんか？” or “Why don’t we go to the grave together?” Somehow, in most Western countries, this kind of proposal would seem just a little bit morbid.

One of my other favorites was when the guy and the woman are at a park. The woman cooks a special lunch box for him and he tells her how much he loves her food. Then he turns and puts a ring on her finger. He then looks into her eyes and says, “あなたの料理を食べられさせて頂けませんか？” or “Please let me eat your cooking for the rest of my life.” Somehow, the subtlety is slightly lost in this context, but hey, you still have to give the guy credit for trying right?

別れさせや “splitter-uppers”

I found this on the NY Times Freakonomics blog and was quite surprised when I read about it. The 別れさせや or “splitter-uppers” offers a very unique relationship service in Japan, and we’re not talking about that of the match-making variety. Rather this is a highly specialized sting-like operation with the intention of doing just the opposite: tearing relationships apart.

Imagine you have a relationship you want ended but somehow can’t find a way out of it. Instead of fessing up to the problem and dealing with it like any normal person, you call a team of skilled professionals whose job it is to stage the perfect situation so you don’t have to get your hands dirty. They set up an intricate series of events that lure your unsuspecting partner into a ploy that will eventually put him/her in the wrong and give you reason (and proof) to call it off. All this is provided at a premium rate of course.

Entrapment you say? Sure seems like it. But since in Japan entrapment really only concerns drug-related crimes, who’s going to care whether someone has been purposely set-up to be caught cheating on his/her partner (that is unless someone dies because of an operation gone wrong); what matters more is that the “cheater” was caught engaging in a socially unacceptable act. After all, in Japan it’s not necessarily about the truth, it’s about the image.

It would seem that the 別れさせや has Yakuza written all over it. However, with possibly over 270 similar establishments in Japan, it looks like this business is not only legitimate (to some extent) but also booming. Moreover, once you get down to the real reason why a demand even exists for such a service, you discover a more startling truth. In Japan, the divorce rate is still relatively low and this is due in part to the fact that such jurisdiction requires legitimate cause or “fault” (e.g. someone needs to be caught having an affair). It seems that you cannot divorce or separate on the grounds that you simply don’t get along or like each other any more. Add to that the Japanese-reverence for avoiding face-to-face confrontation, and you arrive at the 別れさせや, a perfect solution.

Surprising? Somewhat. Twisted? Very.

I guess Kosai Sekine’s Break-Up Service video is not far off from the truth of the relationship-ending industry in Japan. I just hope I never reach a point where I require the use of such a service.